I’ve been dating my partner Nick for three years now approaching four. I was very friendly with his family before this incident. I believe we were very close because I was invited to spend the holidays with them and we exchanged birthday presents. Nick’s family takes a vacation every year and this summer we went somewhere I’ve been dying to see. I asked his mother, who organized the holiday if I could go and if I could cover my own expenses. I wasn’t family yet, so I apologized, but this was a family trip, she explained. When I told Nick this, he replied that no one significant other had been invited, so I wasn’t the only one left out. Although I was still angry, I forgot about it. Now that autumn has arrived, the temperature is dropping. I decided to commemorate the cold weather by making my family chili recipe for Nick’s family. I made sure they had plenty of chilies to go home because Nick and his family loved it. Nick’s mom asked if I could give her the recipe so she could cook it at work before she left. Sorry, but this is a family recipe that is kept under wraps. Have we thought of us as a family yet? she asked. I replied that according to you we are not. Then she said, “Oh, okay,” and left.

When everyone left, Nick accused me of being unkind. I told him he couldn’t decide when we would be a family; it was his mother who first claimed I wasn’t. He claimed I was petty and that it was a completely different circumstance. He then left and didn’t speak to me for several days. I don’t see how I’m at fault here. His mother can refuse me something because we are not related, but if I comply with him, am I at fault? She gave a status report. I spoke to Nick’s mother. After all, we’ve been through it. When I heard her declare, “I’m not family,” I expressed how hurt I was. The fact that she only considered me family when she needed something from me only made my feelings worse.